


And I'm Speechless

by everybodygotawaterbuffalo



Series: I'll Be Your West Coast, Honey [4]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Chan is protective, Cuddling & Snuggling, Don't copy to another site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Kim Seungmin-centric, Kissing, M/M, Multi, Nonverbal Communication, it's soft I promise, lots of kisses, one (1) bad pun, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 12:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20760272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everybodygotawaterbuffalo/pseuds/everybodygotawaterbuffalo
Summary: Seungmin tries not to overthink things, he really does.Or, Seungmin has a bad day but Chan makes it better.





	And I'm Speechless

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Tuesday everyone!!  
Just a quick note: I am not a therapist, nor am I any sort of professional in any psychological field (I’m an engineer – people confuse me) so this is based on my experiences and the experiences of people I know. Please understand that this should not be taken as professional advice on how to deal with this situation or any similar situation. Thanks!  
And this deals with someone being touch-averse and nonverbal while under duress, so if that will in any way make you uncomfortable, please don't read.  
Ok that's all the disclaimers and warnings. I hope you enjoy!!

Seungmin tries not to overthink things, he really does. He also knows, objectively, that his hyungdeul love him just as much as they do everyone else, but it sometimes doesn’t feel like that’s the case. 

Right now, for example, the group is discussing what to do with their free afternoon, and all of Seungmin’s ideas are shot down immediately. 

“How about a shopping trip!” Hyunjin starts excitedly, and Minho nods. 

“That could be fun.” 

“We could watch a movie together?” Seungmin suggests. 

“It’s so nice out, and we can watch movies whenever,” Chan says. 

“Ooh could we go to the zoo?” Jeongin asks. 

“That’s definitely an option!” Chan responds, turning his attention away from Seungmin. 

“The zoo sounds like a lot of fun!” Felix adds, and both Chan and Minho nod encouragingly. 

“I kinda want to play board games,” Seungmin says, much quieter this time. Chan shrugs. 

“We’re looking for something outside, hun.” Seungmin knows he doesn’t mean it to be harsh, but he shrinks back into his seat anyway, feeling chastised, and stays quiet for the rest of the discussion. 

When Chan and Minho start to move the conversation towards taking headcounts for who wants to shop and who wants to visit the zoo, Seungmin quietly heads toward the kitchen, mumbling something about a glass of water. He stays in there, clutching his glass, while the rest of the group finalizes plans and takes deep breaths when he realizes they haven’t even noticed he disappeared. 

His lip only starts trembling when he hears the door swing shut behind the second group and he’s all alone in the dorm. 

He barely makes it all the way back to his room before he breaks down in tears. 

Seungmin knows, objectively, that they probably didn’t forget him. He knows Chan and Minho likely told everyone to leave him alone right now, but it hurts. It hurts so much that no one came to check on him before they left, that no one has texted to see if he needs anything, that no one even said goodbye. 

He just holds his pillow tighter and sobs harder. 

A few hours later, once Seungmin has erased all evidence of his breakdown, cleaned his room, and cooked himself lunch, everyone else returns home. The group who went shopping come home first, and Hyunjin soon joins him in his room. 

“Hi Minnie.” Seungmin doesn’t respond. “How was your afternoon?” 

Seungmin just presses his lips together, staring down at his worksheet. Hyunjin reaches toward him, and he flinches away. He doesn’t really mean to; he just doesn’t want Hyunjin to touch him right now. 

“Oh. Ok. I’ll leave you alone then.” Hyunjin’s voice goes all quiet and soft, wavering in a way that means he’s about to cry and Seungmin has never hated himself more. As Hyunjin closes the door behind him – quietly, because even in anger and sadness he never slams it – Seungmin tries to push the blurriness from his eyes. He doesn’t deserve to cry, he thinks, because he brought this on himself. 

So he turns back to his worksheet, determined to be productive even if nothing else is going right. 

His peace only lasts for a couple of minutes, however, before Jisung comes in. They’re still sharing a bed most nights, and Jisung has always subscribed to the  _ physical affection fixes everything _ mentality so it’s not a surprise when he attempts to drape himself over Seungmin and presumably plant a kiss on his cheek. Seungmin ducks away from the touch and – more aggressively than he intended – shoves Jisung off of him. 

“Alright, fine. I see how it is.” Jisung’s voice is cold, and he must see the way Seungmin curls in on himself at his words, but he doesn’t hesitate or look back as he leaves the room. 

Seungmin flinches as the door closes, much harder than the last time, and the sound reverberates around the room for what feels like an eternity. 

“Seungmin?” Chan’s voice comes from outside the door. “Can I come in?” Seungmin opens his mouth to respond, but his voice catches in his throat and he can’t force it out. He belatedly realizes it’s been hours since he’s last spoken, even counting the heaving sobs he let out when he was home alone. Chan’s presence tells him the group from the zoo has returned, so everyone’s home now. He rises quietly, opening the door before returning to his seat at the desk. Chan enters behind him, sitting on Hyunjin’s bed. 

“What’s wrong, darling?” Seungmin’s breath catches in his throat this time and he frantically blinks away tears because  _ dammit he’s not going to cry again _ . “Seungminnie I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.” 

Seungmin just shakes his head, pressing a hand helplessly to the base of his throat. He doesn’t realize his grip is tightening dangerously until there’s a warm hand curling around his wrist, gently drawing it away from his throat. 

“If you can’t talk right now, that’s okay.” Seungmin deflates in relief, but immediately tenses up again when he registers Chan’s hand still on his wrist. He yanks his arm away, drawing it against his chest and practically falling out the other side of the chair in his haste to move away. He ends up seated on the bed across from Hyunjin’s. 

“If you don’t want to be touched right now, that’s also okay. Do you feel comfortable nodding and shaking your head to yes-or-no questions?” Seungmin considers it, then shakily nods. 

“Thank you, puppy. Have you eaten since we left?” A nod, less shaky and more prompt this time.” 

“Good boy.” Seungmin gasps, the praise hitting his system like a bucket of ice water. He practically melts into a puddle on the bed, all the tension leaving his muscles. “Have you finished all your homework?” Another nod. 

“Excellent, darling. Have you taken a shower or bath yet today?” A tentative shake. 

“That’s alright, baby. Would you like hyung to draw you a bath?” Seungmin’s lips part, eyes widening as he nods. Chan smiles, and it warms him inside. 

“That’s my good puppy. Thank you for telling hyung what you need. Let’s go to the bathroom, alright?” 

Seungmin knows he’s following Chan like a lost dog, but he can’t get his brain to cooperate to do anything beyond taking the soft clothes Chan hands him and clutching them to his chest. Chan leads him to the bathroom, and Seungmin sits on the toilet lid as Chan turns on the water, testing the temperature on the inside of his wrist, and adds bubbles. 

Once the water’s ready, Chan helps him undress, very careful not to touch Seungmin’s skin. He folds the clothes before setting them aside, then opens the cabinet with all the shampoos and conditioners and pauses, considering. Seungmin watches as he runs his fingers along all of them, eventually settling on Minho’s super-moisturizing shampoo and Hyunjin’s conditioner, which smells the best (it’s an objective statement. They all agree). 

“Minnie, baby, would you like to wash your hair yourself or would you like me to?” Seungmin has to think about that for a couple moments, and Chan waits patiently as he bites his lip and furrows his brow. Eventually he lifts an arm from the water and hesitantly points at Chan. 

“You’d like me to?” He nods, more confident. “Alright love, could you put your head under for a second to get your hair all wet?” 

Seungmin does as asked, and when he comes back up Chan has shampoo on his fingers and immediately reaches out, massaging his hands through his hair. It’s probably the gentlest shampooing he’s ever received, but it’s incredibly soothing and he allows himself to relax back into Chan’s hold. 

Once Seungmin has been deemed squeaky-clean, Chan sits next to the tub and lets Seungmin just exist for a little while. He has no idea how long he lays there, but when he comes back into himself the water is lukewarm and Chan is stretching out his legs, wincing a little. After a couple moments, he notices Seungmin watching him. 

“Welcome back, darling. Are you ready to get out?” Seungmin nods. Chan helps him out and pats him down with a fluffy towel before handing him the sweatpants and soft t-shirt he grabbed earlier. Seungmin gets dressed, enjoying the feeling of being completely surrounded by Chan’s scent. 

“When you’re back to communicating verbally, darling, we’ll need to talk about this.” Seungmin tenses at Chan’s words, instinctively curling back into himself. “But for right now, you need to relax. Can I touch you?” 

Seungmin nods and holds his hand out for Chan to grab. Chanleads him through the dorm, purposefully avoiding any common areas and keeping Seungmin close until they get to his room. Seungmin isn’t sure if all witch’s lairs are this cozy, but he isn’t going to complain. He carefully settles Seungmin onto the bed and practically buries him in blankets, tucking them securely around him before moving away. Seungmin starts to scramble upright, suddenly terrified that Chan’s leaving him. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Chan’s voice is warm and gentle, and he takes Seungmin’s hand in both of his. His hands are really warm, and Seungmin tries to focus on that, as well as calming his heartbeat. “I’m not leaving the room, alright? I’m just dealing with the laundry and I’ll be right back, ok?” 

Seungmin relaxes back into the makeshift burrow, watching Chan with half-lidded eyes as he putters around the room, putting clothes away and just generally tidying up the chaos left over from people getting ready earlier. As promised, he returns as soon as he’s done and carefully climbs into the burrow with Seungmin. 

Seungmin is intimately reminded of just how much of an intrinsic alpha Chan is when he curls up, tucking Seungmin into his chest, and promptly falls asleep. He’s a warm presence, heavy but never overbearing, sturdy and caring and gentle and so so loving. 

As such, it doesn’t take long for Seungmin to drift off as well, feeling safer than he has all day. 

“Hey Chan-hyung? Seungmin isn’t in his room, do you –” The voice pauses, then softens, turning to address the hallway instead. “It’s alright, guys. I found them.” 

Seungmin opens his eyes blearily to find Minho in the doorway. 

“Hi baby.” He comes over next to the bed. “Can I touch you?” 

Seungmin nods, and feels Chan start to stir behind him. Minho reaches a hand out and runs it through Seungmin’s hair. 

“Minnie?” Chan mumbles, sounding disoriented. “Wha– is everyone okay?”

“Yeah, hyung. We’re all fine.” Minho’s hand starts tracing little patterns on Seungmin’s cheek and down his neck. Seungmin distantly recognizes them as runes, but he doesn’t feel any sparks of power from them so he knows they aren’t activated. The sensation is reassuring nevertheless. “We just didn’t know where Seungminnie went. We were worried, that’s all.” 

Chan hums, arms tightening around Seungmin. Minho leans in and presses a kiss to the tip of Seungmin’s nose and he lets out a soft noise. 

“Alright. I’ll leave you two to sort the rest of this out, okay?” Chan nods. “Someone will check in before bed.” 

With that, Minho silently leaves and Seungmin feels his chest tighten, knowing the hard part comes next. 

“Can you talk?” Chan turns Seungmin in his arms so they’re face to face. Seungmin clears his throat and grabs a drink from the water bottle on the nightstand before trying to speak. 

“I think so.” His voice cracks on the second word, but otherwise is strong and clear. He’s honestly surprised at how easily it comes out, considering the mental block he had up earlier. “Yeah, I can talk now.” 

“That’s good,” Chan says, smiling, but his expression quickly drops to something more serious. “But we do have to talk about what happened earlier.” 

Seungmin extracts himself from Chan’s embrace and they end up sitting across from each other, Seungmin leaning against the footboard and Chan against the headboard. 

“What do you need to know?” 

“First of all, why didn’t you come out with us? Either group would’ve loved to have you, and you were so excited about it all yesterday.” 

Seungmin looks down. It seems so irrational now, but he knows Chan won’t let him be without an explanation. 

“It… it’s at least partially because of the discussion, but,” he pauses, trying to collect his thoughts. Chan gives him an encouraging nod. “I know I wouldn’t react like that normally, so I think– I think there was probably something else. I don’t know what it’d be though.” 

“Okay, do you know what about the discussion triggered it? You seemed fine, but then you just disappeared into the kitchen and never came back out.” Seungmin feels his cheeks warming. 

“It sounds dumb now.” 

“Seungmin,” Chan says, a warning in his endlessly patient voice. “We’ve talked about this. Just because you think you should’ve reacted differently in hindsight, that doesn’t invalidate your feelings and reactions in the moment.” 

“I know.” Seungmin offers a small smile, then takes a deep breath and pushes the next sentence out as fast as possible. “It was because you were shutting down all of my suggestions and my brain was telling me you don’t love me but I know– I know that’s irrational and I know you love me so I don’t know why my brain was doing that and I’m okay now I promise!” 

Chan lets out a deep sigh and Seungmin looks at him, wide-eyed. 

“Can I give you a hug, darling?” Seungmin half-lunges across the bed, ending up practically draped across Chan’s lap. Chan drags him up into a proper hug, pressing his lips to the crown of Seungmin’s head. “I love you so so so much, puppy, okay? I know your brain does silly things sometimes, and it’s  _ not your fault _ . It’s never your fault, but you should try to tell us when you’re feeling like that, alright baby? I know it’s hard, trust me,  _ I know _ , but even if you can’t talk to me about it, just letting someone know how you’re feeling can help a lot, and it means we can address it before you go nonverbal or anything like that.” 

“I can try.” 

“And that’s all I’ll ever ask, baby.”

They separate again, knowing there’s more to the discussion. 

“So,” Chan continues. “What did you even do while we were gone? Please tell me you didn’t do homework the whole time.” 

“Um… I didn’t do homework the whole time.” 

“Darling…”

“I didn’t! I, um, I cried myself out and cleaned my room and made food and then I did homework.” 

“Oh, honey…” Chan’s voice is pitying and Seungmin cringes away. 

“I know, I know.” Chan lets out another sigh and Seungmin feels bad. He knows he’s being a bit difficult but he doesn’t know how else to go about it. “Sorry.” 

“It’s alright, sweetheart. I’m just trying to process everything.” He leans across the bed and takes one of Seungmin’s hands in his, squeezing it. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Seungmin feels himself tearing up and tries to blink them away before Chan sees. 

“So, Minnie, do you have any idea why you got so touch-averse, or why you couldn’t speak? You don’t normally have either of those, let alone  _ both _ , happen.” 

Seungmin pauses to think. 

“I… I’m not really sure at this point. I think part of it was guilt? Or I felt like I didn’t deserve it? I don’t know; thinking back it’s all–” he gestures at his head, “ –fuzzy. Like I can’t really remember what I was feeling.” 

“That’s alright, hun. You were in a weird headspace, and I don’t expect you to remember or rationalize everything that happened.” 

Seungmin manages a smile. When Chan opens his arms again, he willingly crosses the bed again, falling into the embrace. 

“Feeling better?” 

“Yeah, lots. Thank you, hyung.” Chan tightens his hold and the last of the tension melts out of Seungmin’s body. 

“Of course!” 

Seungmin doesn’t know how long they stay wrapped around each other but it’s warm and comforting. Eventually, though, his back starts to complain about the position they’re in and he shifts to remedy it, curling his legs up. 

“Do you mind if we move to the kitchen?” Chan asks. “I’d like some tea, and I have a feeling a warm drink would do you some good as well.” 

“Can I have cocoa?” Chan smiles and Seungmin thinks it’s maybe the prettiest thing he’s ever seen. 

“Of course, darling.” 

They have to pass through the living room on the way to the kitchen. Luckily, though everyone looks over when they enter the room, Seungmin hiding his face in Chan’s shoulder seems to be indication enough that it’s not the time for questions. He’ll come back and apologize to Hyunjin and Jisung when he feels like he can look them in the eye without crying. 

Chan and Seungmin fall into an easy rhythm, Chan putting water on the stove and Seungmin grabbing two mugs, filling one with milk. As his milk heats in the microwave, Seungmin takes out the cocoa powder and a lavender tea bag from a cabinet, placing them next to the honey and mini marshmallows Chan got from the pantry. He tucks himself into Chan’s side, happily accepting the arm draped over his shoulders. 

It takes only a couple minutes to finish up the drinks, during which Seungmin shamelessly leeches Chan’s warmth, staying tucked against his side. 

“I’m glad you’re feeling better, darling. You know, Minho was really worried about you today.” Seungmin looks down. “Hey, it’s alright, he’s alright. You know how protective he is of you; he was just worried you were going to work all day.” 

Seungmin decides that Minho-hyung is getting extra kisses before bed tonight. For now, though, he stays tucked into Chan’s side, appreciating the sturdy protective aura surrounding them. Soon, though, far too soon, Seungmin looks down to find his mug empty. 

“I think it’s time I go talk to Hyunjin and Jisung.” 

“If you’re sure, darling. You don’t have to do it tonight if you’re not ready.” 

“I just … I want to do it before bed so we can all sleep well tonight.” 

“Alright, darling. Do you want me to come with?” 

“Actually,” Seungmin says, reluctantly removing himself from Chan’s warmth and collecting both their mugs, “if you could bring them both in here that’d be lovely.” 

“Will do.” 

Before he leaves, though, Chan wraps his arms around Seungmin one more time, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. 

“I’m proud of you, darling. I’ll be waiting in my room whenever you’re done, alright?” 

Seungmin just nods, stealing one more kiss before turning back to the dishwasher. 

“Minnie? Jinnie-hyung said you want to talk to us?” 

Seungmin moves to sit at the counter again, gesturing to the seats on either side of him. Some part of him curls up into a tiny ball of hurt when he sees they both keep their distance, neither wrapping an arm over his shoulders or grabbing his hand like they might normally. He hates not having physical contact, so he reaches down and takes one of each of their hands in his. 

“I’m really sorry for how I acted earlier. Both before and after you guys went out. I was feeling off and instead of talking to someone about it, I hid and lashed out and I’m sorry.” 

“Oh, cherry,” Jisung breathes, and Seungmin almost bursts into tears again. “It’s alright. We understand.” 

“I just– I feel really bad for how I acted and I pushed both of you away and – and I’m sorry. I’m going to work on not doing it again.” 

“You can always come to us if you need something, love. We’re here for you, all of us.” 

“Thank you,” Seungmin chokes out, tears threatening to spill over his lashes. 

“It’s ok, little one,” Hyunjin murmurs, reaching out and pulling Seungmin into a hug. Jisung wraps himself around Seungmin’s back and the two of them just stay there, slowly rocking back and forth until Seungmin stops crying. 

“I love you both, so so much.” 

“And we love you.” Jisung and Hyunjin speak simultaneously and all three of them start giggling. 

“Great minds think alike!” Jisung exclaims. 

“But fools rarely differ,” Seungmin interjects. Jisung and Hyunjin stare at him. “What, you’ve never heard the rest of that phrase? Because you’re both fools.” 

They start making indignant noises, but Seungmin cuts them off again. 

“But it’s okay because I’m a fool for you.” 

“Aww,” Hyunjin coos, taking Seungmin’s face in his hands. “That’s so cute! Minnie baby, you’re so cute!” 

Seungmin half-heartedly tries to squirm away but is unsurprised when Hyunjin holds him steady. Vampires are strong, after all, and Seungmin has never even pretended to be able to outmatch either Hyunjin or Changbin. 

After a few more minutes of Jisung and Hyunjin burying Seungmin in kisses and exclamations of his cuteness, Seungmin finally speaks up. 

“I love you both, but I’m really tired from today and we’ve got early practice tomorrow so we should all probably head to bed.” 

“Alright. Goodnight, Minnie baby!” Jisung plants a kiss on his cheek and Hyunjin quickly follows suit. Seungmin takes the opportunity to escape before they decide they want more. 

Heading to the living room, Seungmin quickly makes his rounds, giving everyone a hug, a kiss, and a wish goodnight. He spends a little extra time with Minho, lacing their fingers together and letting him draw powerless runes against his arms with his free hand. 

“I’m okay, hyung. I love you and I’m okay.” 

“I’m glad, baby. Sleep well, alright?” Minho murmurs from where his face is pressed against Seungmin’s neck. 

“You too, hyung.” Seungmin strokes his hand through Minho’s hair once more before pulling away. 

As promised, when Seungmin arrives after a brief detour to his own room and the bathroom, Chan is curled up in his bed. There’s a perfectly Seungmin-sized gap between him and the nest-burrow from earlier. He blinks up at Seungmin, smiling. 

“Hi, darling. Ready for bed?” Seungmin hums affirmatively, climbing into the blanket pile and letting Chan wrap around him again. “I love you, baby.” 

“I love you too.” 

And there they stay, cuddled together in the warmth and comfort of the burrow, until sleep finally overtakes them. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading!!  
Up next week we have Seungmin/Changbin!


End file.
